Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Lost my temper, definitely shouldn't have

You know, one thing that frustrates me more than anything is when non-Christians bash Christians for their beliefs. Ok it doesn't just frustrate me, it infuriates me. And being part German and part Irish, I have a bit of a temper (ask my family and they will tell you it is more than a bit of one, haha). I try hard to hold my tongue and allow God's words to flow, but you know, sometimes you say things before you can stop them from coming out. And I did just that yesterday. And the only reason I am mad at myself is because even though I was defending my belief in God, I didn't do it in a way that brought him Glory. Not long after it blurted out I knew what I said was not right. Thankfully we have a merciful God who forgives my wrongs and loves me in spite of them. But this is only where my thoughts begin today.

This year in CBS (community bible study if you aren't familiar) my eyes have really been opened to what has been missing in my life. I have been a Christian my entire life, I accepted Jesus Christ as my savior when I was about 11 years old and grew up in church. My great Grandfather was a pastor, my grandfather a deacon. I always loved the Lord and knew Jesus died for me. But as an adult I began to realize knowing and believing wasn't enough. I needed to really LIVE FOR JESUS. I mean I wasn't a terrible person, but I was just getting by, you know. I needed to put God first again. And as I have begun to do that, I am seeing God work in my life and family. Am I perfect, NO, far from it, but I am trying hard. And as I see God work in my life I also see where he could be working in our world if people would open their hearts to him. I see it in my friends and just the world in general. I know that God doesn't want me going around bashing people for not seeing where He is missing, but that is what I want to do. So I try to reach out when I see a friend grasping for peace and tell them were my peace comes from. And darn it, if Satan doesn't grasp at any opening he can find.

Stubbornness and pride seem to be the toughest, especially among my group of friends, most of whom are strong military wives. Women who have held their families together through deployments and separations. Women who have had to be independent when they didn't want to be, and don't see a reason to be submissive (they see that as weak) to their husbands. I was that way too, I know how they feel. Somedays I still don't want to be submissive but I have seen the good God brings when I do HIS WILL, not mine. I have seen that good comes to me when I put God first, husband 2nd, family 3rd and so on. You know what surprises me is that no where on the list is ME, I don't put myself before anyone, yet I get what I need. God provides for us when we follow his word.

I know this probably went into a jumbled up rant, but I just needed to get it out.

1 comment:

Melanie said...

I don't think you lost your temper in an obvious way. By that I mean, sure, to you it may have been anger that motivated it but I think you represented yourself and your beliefs well. Whether or not you were in the majority doesn't matter, you stuck to your guns and you have every right to share your strong beliefs, just as any other person of strong religious belief has. Don't feel bad about it :)